A year ago, I was facilitating a group coaching session for health system leaders. We were talking about sharing ideas about positive change. One senior medic said something simple but profound, he said:
“Honestly, this is the first time I’ve been able to lift my head and look at the horizon in years.” … “Whatever ideas I have… they never even make it out of my head. I’m always too busy – always covering at least one other person’s job.”
That moment struck a deep chord. Not just because I saw how deeply that was true for him, but because I felt how sad that was, and recognised the same pattern, the same frustration in colleagues, and in me.
It got me thinking…
We spend so much of our time doing the work, driving systems that ask for so much of us, that we can forget to ask the most essential questions:
Who am I, beyond this role I’ve held for so long? What is this doing to me? Is there something more to be or do to contribute, that makes a difference, in the ways I once imagined?
Shortly after that, I stepped out. Not just out of the system, but out of my perpetual busyness, out of the heartbreak of it all, even out of my old routines. I didn’t know exactly where I was going, only that I had to stop, turn inward, find the quiet, deeper soil of myself. Somewhere I could lie fallow for a while, so something new might take root and grow.
I’d spent years hustling to maintain the work, juggling my life with challenging leadership roles, with outcomes I was proud of. But after the pandemic, I was existentially exhausted; And once I accepted that. It was like the path I’d been walking seemed pointless to me.
So I stopped, and And I listened… to myself, in the quiet, but also through music, poetry; finding words that made sense to me…
“We are taught to respect the slow, attentive piecing together of the life we yearn for. Stitch by stitch, we apprentice the craft. We work in tandem with mystery, feeling its rhythms awaken in our bone-memory. And we realise the patience it takes to make a life materialise. There are no shortcuts, and it can’t be done cheaply, or en masse. The work is small, the work is slow and all we can do is stay with it.”.
– Excerpt from “Belonging: Remembering Ourselves Home” by Toko-pa Turner (belongingbook.com
What followed was a deep immersion in questions that had been there waiting all along:
What brings me alive?
What really matters?
How do we create something new, from this whole experience, look beyond the system, listen and connect to deeper place within, to how we can change things?
For me, that meant looking at life from different angles, reclaiming the parts of myself I’d left behind. Doing simple, nourishing things: walking in wild places, sitting in circle with other women, writing from the heart, lighting fires, making soup, spending time with my daughters. It meant excavating what I knew about transformation, values-led work, and feminine strength and soulfulness from experience, not books.
I began cultivating a new field of possibility, from the ground up. And began to feel different, calmer, softer, more aware. I finally, changed my name to one that reflected a deeper sense of self and belonging, something I hadn’t considered important, even after divorce.
Out of all these strange ingredients; leadership, burnout, myth, coaching, silence, sisterhood and writing, I made something. And I’ve called it Dāno-Leino: Proto-Celtic for “The Gift Field.” It has come from the slow attentive piecing together of the life I’ve yearned for…
I’m still bringing this into being, but there is enough now to say what it is.
It’s a place of return and regeneration. A deeper field where people can reconnect with their gifts, reimagine their purpose, and begin again, living from the centre, rather than the edge. Drawing from a core philosophy that we are defined as much by our gifts, as our issues, deficits or failings. We just need to focus there, invest in that, and believe in ourselves.
I’m ready to share what has emerged, just as it is; not perfect, but true to me, as part of a conversation that is happening in the margins, about what comes next. To see if it resonates with others, and if we can respond differently.
I think what I’ve learned is that we are not just cogs in the systems we serve. We are living parts of a human ecosystem, and our own best chance at transformation of the worst of what the world and the work has become.
Utimately, we are free to choose how we live. I’ve learned that it takes courage to choose freedom.
But its worth it on every level. It might mean leaving where you are, or it might mean leaning in. All I know for sure is that it’s never too late to begin.
If you’re a woman at a crossroads…Or someone quietly holding too much for too long…Or simply tired of feeling like your best work never quite makes it out of you…Then perhaps this is the start of a different kind of conversation. One that through learning and listening leads to something real.
If you’d like to explore this more, I’d love to share Dāno-Leino – my new home for retreats, guidance, groups, project work and soulful life design – the work I want to give.
This October, I’m holding a small retreat in France called Her Way is Alive. Its for women ready to realign with joy, purpose, and the deeper design of their lives. There are a few places left. [More info]
I’m also offering a small number of 1:1 sessions this autumn, for those who would like to explore their own design, using the Gene Keys profile as a basis for that conversation. If you are interested then please get in touch.
That’s it, thanks for taking the time to read this. If you think this work might resonate with someone you know then please pass it along.
amanda
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